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  • Writer's picturePeter Stathakos

Why Am I Cheating?

Infidelity is one of the most devastating things that could happen in a relationship. Despite knowing this, you still made the choice to cheat. From the moment you made the decision to cross the line, you knew that you inflicted unspeakable damage on your relationship and keep asking yourself, "Why am I cheating?"

You can know the hurt you are causing and still not understand what drives your behavior. The thoughts swirl through your mind every day:

  • Why am I cheating if I am happy with my spouse?

  • Why am I cheating when I know it will destroy my marriage?

  • Why am I cheating when I promised myself I never would?

  • Why am I cheating when I made a commitment?

  • Why am I cheating if it only makes me feel worse?

How did you manage to rock the foundation of your most important relationship without being able to answer a simple question: Why am I cheating?



why am I cheating

Why Am I Cheating, and Why Can’t I stop?

Cheating can be addictive. It can also create a vicious cycle, which can make it difficult to stop. Infidelity produces a rush, but also creates stress and tension in the relationship. With every lie, the cheater feels even more shame, which can increase their drive to seek out a new rush.

Overcoming infidelity and figuring out why you are cheating will require immense self-reflection and support from a qualified therapist. The team at Peter Stathakos and Associates can work alongside you to get to the root of your behavior and stop unhealthy patterns for good. We invite you to book a FREE consultation TODAY to learn about your therapy options.

If I Love My Partner, Why Am I Cheating?


Cheating is a hasty solution to complex and deeply rooted issues— issues that even a very loving partner can't fix. It is not unheard of for a cheater to feel love and attachment to their partner, even if their actions show otherwise.

Some people commit infidelity because they feel dissatisfied and use cheating as a distraction to avoid conflict. Rather than face the fallout from addressing problems directly, the cheater will use an affair as an escape and keep their partners in the dark about their true feelings.

Cheating is in no way an indicator of the quality of the relationship or a judgment of the betrayed partner. Instead, infidelity reflects the maturity, self-awareness, and emotional regulation of the cheater.

The Top Reasons for Cheating

If you can’t answer the question why am I cheating, that is not surprising. There are many reasons why people commit infidelity.

  1. Lack of Self-esteem- People with low self-esteem often have poor opinions of themselves and need higher levels of external validation to compensate. In this case, cheating may be an attempt to get more attention and raise self-worth.

  2. Sexual Urges- Sexual incompatibility can also lead to infidelity. Instead of having an open and honest conversation with their partner, the cheater may look for gratification from other sources.

  3. Historical Trauma/Emotional Neglect- Cheating can also be the consequence of unaddressed trauma or neglect, often stemming from childhood. Adverse experiences, like abuse or the loss of a parent, can create attachment traumas that persist well into adulthood. People with insecure attachment styles experience more distress within their intimate relationships. This can increase the chances of cheating.

  4. Other Issues- Sometimes, cheating is the result of an underlying problem. For example, a substance use or alcohol abuse problem can lead to poor judgment, a lack of self-control, and lowered inhibitions. In the wrong setting, this combination can result in cheating.

Where Can I Find Help to Stop Cheating?

If you are ready to stop the cycle and address your infidelity, talking to a qualified therapist is the next step. We offer customized, evidence-based therapy approaches that meet you where you are and support you on the journey to where you want to be. We invite you to book a free introduction meeting today and start finding some answers.
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